Uncertain but optimistic

June 4, 2026

I am back to a much more normal routine. The first half of the year has been defined by a number of issues flaring up, all without an immediate obvious solution. Still there remain a few loose ends but nothing too out of the ordinary. Routine can lead to stagnation but being able to return to constants like waking up in the morning at a normal hour, making my morning coffee and frying up some eggs is reassuring. Can’t do any of those at 2:00 AM in the morning rushing out the door to drive to the airport to make it to work on-time.

Taking the train instead of driving is a welcome return to a sense of normalcy, except for what seems like a frequent series of light rail disruptions. Even as a loyal reader of transit news can catch me off guard sometimes. The train allows me to sit, write, send messages, and make phone calls. None of these things are luxuries but the alternative of driving is much worse.

I have taken a long time to decide as an adult buying a car is a financially sound decision. I bought a 2012 Subaru Forester that promptly required replacing a broken radiator hose and water pump. All things considered the car has not become a significant drain on my finances but this requires me to keep a watchful eye on how much driving I do. Considering I’ve lived without a car since 18 this is not too hard. Living in Seattle in First Hill it’s has become easier and easier over the years to live without a car in fact owning a car and driving it in the city has become more inconvenient over time as buildings go up and people move in. The city has a few blind sights, essentially they provide way too much free parking in the form of residential parking zones that essentially never have openings because they are too close to areas of high demand. as in we need more paid street parking to discourage people from driving. Driving doesn’t become faster if you can’t find a parking spot.

I’ve been filled with a somewhat ravenous desire to write above all else in a way I couldn’t do for the last few months being preoccupied by work and life getting in the way. What I’ve been craving is emptiness, a ephemeral feeling somewhere between busyness and total boredom where you can sit and contemplate and not feel anxious about not having anything to do. In my review for Kirill Nikolai’s release Solennelle, I discuss how “the backdrop of stillness presents an opportunity for us to consider composition as the gaps between silence.” Coming home or going to work in the early morning provided such an opportunity for quiet contemplation but at the expense of not being able to maintain any normal sleep schedule. During this winter I experimented with different variations of riding the bus, riding my bicycle, until I settled on taking the bus to Chinatown with my scooter. When there was silence I could savor it, but was often punctuated by unstable riders. It should be noted I have no problem taking the bus at night, but when you’re on the same bus night after night five days a week it’s unavoidable. Annoying people will get on and harass others and you can’t always do much about it other than getting off the bus, which isn’t always a viable option.